Dreaming of Zihuatanejo

I love the flu. 3 days of blissful sleep. A valid excuse to, well, not do anything. Lots of bad TV. What else can you ask for during the holidays? Mild sarcasm apart, I really do prefer the flu of the Western world to the old “viral fever” we get in India. Viral fevers, for me, usually come combined with nasty sore throats, ear infections & what not. Not a way to have fun. The last couple of times though – the flu has been nothing more than sheer enervation, where I am too exhausted to do anything but sleep. & Just in case I broke a solid 14 hour nap, I kept myself pumped with Tylenol Flu – the bestest medicine in the whole wide world. With an alcohol content greater than most wines, you betcha it’s good.

But what does one do during those 2 hour gaps, when the next round of Tylenol and exhaustion are yet to do you in? As I hadn’t planned this, I wasted those brief windows of well, consciousness. So, here’s what to do when you’re sick (& this time of the year, there’s a good chance you will be – so be prepared)

1. Keep a few good books around. Something light. Not a good idea to be reduced to reading ‘I, Lucifer’ as yours truly was. Somehow all that satanic imagery didn’t help put the bloom back on my cheeks. Preferably nothing more serious than Wodehouse. No, not even Dahl. Wickedness in all forms is to be avoided.


2. Let word of your illness spread – but be subtle. Make sure that all your out-of-town friends know about it, & see to it that they hear about it from someone else. With the in-town friends, you always run the risk of a personal visit. I prefer being sick alone (unless I am really sick, in which case I’d prefer to be surrounded by 23 doctors and 45 nurses each watching my vital signs like a hawk). The out-of-town friends make a lot of sweet phone calls after you’ve recovered. Nice.


3. Fall sick on a Thursday, if you can. I got lucky this time. Extended week end. And no groceries or cooking. Talk about lucking out.


4. Use the opportunity to watch movies like ‘What Alice Found’ – a tale of a teen-who-runs-away-from-home-only-to-turn-into-a-truck-stop-prostitute-but-still-has-a-happy-ending-of-a-sort. If you watched this movie any other time, you’d need to have your head examined. If you watched it when you were sick – well, you poor baby – with no one at home, and nothing to do. Think of all the money you save by not going to a shrink, and the time you save not beating yourself up for watching trash.


5. Do NOT go shopping within 24 hours of recovery. You are liable to buy 10 pairs of woolen socks. 2 humongous bags of salad. 2 bottles of carrot juice. I did. And trust me, you’ll regret the carrot juice more than the socks. Your sense of “eat healthy or die trying” is rather skewed in that time frame. 40 hours into recovery, and 2 glasses of carrot juice later, I’m starting to realize that the ‘die trying’ part is going to come true. And no amount of bitterness or irony is going to help with the remaining 2 liters of the damn concoction I still have to gulp down.

Learn from my lessons. Be prepared.