- I actually want to be in a relationship, but since I’m fat, ugly and stuck in a dead-end job no one will have me. Can you set me up with your best friend / close relative?
- If the goal is to not fit into that pair of skinny jeans, which method would you say is more efficient? 1 1/2 hours at Olive Garden or 1 1/2 weeks at Presbyterian Maternity?
- And how are you enjoying Nickelodeon?
- Thank you for asking. My relationship with Netflix is everything I ever dreamed of.
- Last Tuesday, I finally did it. Fell madly in love - with myself. I give it two months.
- Children? I’m waiting till more book-friendly models become available.
- Ah yes – the pitter-patter of little feet. I convinced my parents to adopt. It’s been wonderful for them, really.
- Since you asked, research shows that single life after 35 is completely cancer-free. We singles don’t like to let that out.
- (This one’s for enquiries from anyone who’s 10 or more years elder to you) So, what you’re saying is, “If your best friend jumps into a well, so should you?” Oh well, I only wish you’d taken the trouble to tell me that when I wanted to (a) get my tongue pierced (b) drop out of school to get a head start in the pizza delivery business (c) save that money to move to a commune
- You’re just jealous that I might pull a Demi over y’all.
PS: In the last month, I’ve outed myself to some of my friends, and I expect threats, tears et al. from a number of you for this post. Remember your own advice - let’s wait till the end of the year, I’m bound to change sooner than later.
